Creating Harmony: When Expectations Meet Commitment
“I want buy-in from my people." I hear this expression all the time. Leaders desperately want their teams to perform in sync, much like a great jazz orchestra, intuitively adding the perfect improvised melody where every instrument blends in perfect harmony. As an amazing conductor can detect when something sounds off, a leader can sense that jarring note that makes everyone wince. Without alignment and clear instruction, even the most talented group can sound more like an impromptu kazoo club than a tightly knit jazz orchestra.
But what exactly is "buy-in"?
Fundamentally, it's about commitment to a project, task, or outcome. What the leader is actually seeking is for the team to correctly interpret cues given and to meet their expectations. These expectations are often tied to deeply-held values that the leader may not fully recognize until someone violates them.
As an executive coach, I help leaders dig beneath their frustrations and find unmet expectations. These expectations are like invisible threads connecting us to others – powerful yet often unspoken. Unspoken expectations almost inevitably lead to disappointing results.
Early in my career, I served as the chief judicial officer at a small private college. In my naiveté, I assumed all students would naturally align with the institution's values, just like my peers and I did when we graduated. However, reality delivered a swift kick in the assumptions when I discovered some students were there primarily to party, play sports, or simply enjoy freedom from home, with homework as an optional activity.
Despite signing agreements to uphold institutional values, some students never fully committed. I would point to the core values they'd violated, and they'd read the same words I did. The difference was, for me, these were principles to live by; while for them, they were words on paper, and I was just some guy in khakis trying to ruin their fun. I was disappointed that they wouldn’t come to alignment, and they thought it was impossible to be aligned with the college's standard of excitement and fun.
The equation is simple: expectations must be balanced by commitment. If commitment is absent, the expectation shouldn't exist. The students who I wanted to see succeed in their collegiate careers were not committed to the same outcomes I was committed to on their behalf. This caused conflict for me, and ultimately, I resigned from my post at the institution.
This situation highlights a fundamental truth: the greatest source of conflict stems from unmet expectations. These disappointments range from minor irritations to profound life disruptions, like expecting to continue to advance in a career with a company, only to be suddenly laid off without warning.
Expectations exist on a spectrum. At one extreme are unrealistic demands, like expecting Wile E. Coyote to finally give up his pursuit of the Road Runner. At the other end is resignation, like Eeyore, never believing that things will go his way. Between these poles lie realistic expectations that, when properly communicated, can actually be met.
I once worked with a CEO who believed everyone should intuitively track wins and "give 110%", staying late until all tasks were complete. Meanwhile, the team constantly felt like the expectations were impossible to meet. When we finally created space for open conversation about expectations, productivity soared - not because expectations increased (or decreased), but because expectations became clear. There was now a mutual commitment to those expectations, allowing both parties to align on the same sheet of music.
This week, try this revealing practice: Pay attention to when you feel frustrated or disappointed – these emotions often signal a violated expectation. Ask yourself, "What did I expect would happen here?" Then dig deeper with, "Why did I expect that?" Your answer often reveals a core value of yours. Choose one important relationship that this value impacts, and discuss these newly discovered expectations. Articulate them clearly, ask if they seem reasonable, and then request explicit commitment. After all, we're all trying to create beautiful music together. Better to be a synchronized jazz orchestra than a random collection of kazoos.
Dustin Fenton is an Impact Outfitter who writes monthly on leadership, influence, and relational intelligence. He specializes in transforming organizational cultures and helping teams maximize their potential by removing the barriers that hold them back. Leaders seeking to make their biggest impact can connect with him to learn more at Pitoncoaching.com or on LinkedIn @DustinFenton and @PitonCoaching.
